My first exposure to coaching was a paired up coaching during a learning retreat at the soul-quenching The Royal Foundation of St Katherine's. It was informal, we were standing up, it was outside in the garden. My partner, an experienced coach, happened to say to me afterwards 'Do you coach? Because you have a natural talent for it'.
This simple, generous act by a peer directly led me, some years later, to invest in a formal coaching qualification. And indirectly, it led to where I am today, teaching coaching skills, from the premise that to listen, to care and to ask great questions are talents we all have inside us and can offer each other. This was effectively my first lesson.
Learning number 1: we can all coach. (and 1b. generous feedback from peers can help us see this in ourselves)
The very first peer coaching space I ran was actually an action learning set. I was working at The King's Fund and it was a part of a leadership development programme we were running for aspiring clinical leaders. I will forever be grateful to my ex-colleague, current collaborator and friend, Sarah Massie for giving me the opportunity to flex my peer coaching hosting muscles.
From that first set, I could see the power of these peer spaces. I could see that peer coaching circles offered all the benefits of peer support:
like witnessing the lived experience of people like us, seeing ourselves mirrored in their challenges and strengths.
And the care and mutual reinforcing that naturally happens when kind people witness each others' vulnerability.
PLUS the extra benefits of coaching ie
a forward focus that seeks to find solutions and answers. That doesn't accept the lure of comfort, when big life, work or community goals are at stake and
enabling people to find their own answers - meaning that coaching empowers us far beyond the single topic at hand that day. Much more, we find inner reservoirs and insight that we can draw on in any number of challenges in the future.
the circle setting compounds this: it teaches the whole group of the wondrous capability of humans to find our own, best way through life's complexities.
Learning number 2: peer coaching groups have the power to mutually empower, with compounding effects on our ability to reach our goals, navigate life, and feel more cohesive and less alone.
I've now run many action learning sets for professional audiences, predominantly in the NHS, and I continue to see their power and impact. While carrying out a two-year evaluation of the Bromley-by-Bow model in East London, I began to see that peer coaching spaces like these could bring real benefits to a whole range of people, including and especially those who wouldn't typically get access to such personal development.
And that's where the idea for Coaching Communities was born. With a mission to bring brave peer learning spaces to anyone who wants to make a change and doesn't want to do it alone.
With start-up funding from Unltd and The RSA, I piloted an approach using peer coaching circles at the Bromley by Bow Centre, supporting local residents with ideas for a community offer to bring that idea into fruition, as part of the Communities Driving Change programme. I knew that some people might feel nervous to simply launch into a peer coaching group, so I built in some 1:1 coaching with me beforehand. I also made sure that the first meeting was informal, held in the cafe after hours and inviting people to get to know each other as a collective by sharing their hopes and building their group purpose. I then included some gentle training in coaching as part of the subsequent group meetings. In evaluation, the feedback was promising but some people said they would have liked some more formal training before going into the group practices. Good learning. Six years later, one member of this first coaching community has grown her support group for parents of neurodiverse children to almost 50-strong which now trains the GP practice.
Learning 3: Peer coaching groups require us to bring our vulnerability, so we need to actively cultivate a safe and brave learning environment. 3.b. Different audiences will need varying on-ramps into peer coaching groups but all people benefit from some means to settle into a group setting where they are going to be vulnerable.
I've since run peer coaching circles in schools, start-ups, the NHS, local authorities, community groups and amongst freelancers. I've evolved the methodology as I've gone. I've run coaching skills training programmes that led into coaching circles. And I've run coaching circles with next-to-no coaching training. I've added the additional support of an online community space where peer learning, mentoring and resource-swapping can flourish.
I've noticed, particularly during commissioned programmes in organisational settings, that there is a natural range in people's uptake of the benefits and beauty of peer coaching. And that the culture, time pressures and priorities of the organisation either directly support or disable the coaching to flourish. Some people absolutely catch the coaching bug and I've helped a few of those go on to train formally. Others enjoy the process and get a lot from it but that's enough. As ever, there are those who don't totally engage. I've learned that this is totally fine, and natural. And that we need to make space for people to exit groups, or for groups to end, with grace and with gratitude.
Lesson 4: hosting peer coaching spaces is like being a gardener. Our role is to cultivate a mutually owned space, sow the seeds of peer craft and enable the group to evolve in relation to its own weather patterns. We hold our task lightly and accept that we can't control everything and that sometimes its okay, and good, for a good thing to end.
In June last year I set up my own peer coaching circle and I also host a monthly peer coaching swap, in both of which I get to participate. In those spaces I have learnt to let go so tightly my methodological grip - I have learnt that even if what's taking place is not strictly 'coaching' and a bit of advice slips in here and there, that's okay. In fact it's a testament to the value of the group itself as the vehicle and container for personal change. What's fundamental is that in a group that listens attentively, new insights can unfurl inside us in the light of each other's belief. I've experienced it myself and it's truly awesome - you can read about that here.
Learning 5: It doesn't even need to be 'coaching'. Exquisite listening and a founding belief in each other is what it's all about.
Now, I'm launching various offers that help people set up their own peer coaching spaces, grow their skills in collaborative coaching and facilitation and hone their peer craft (coming soon). Join my newsletter if you want to stay up to date with these offers and see how we continue to evolve.
So in summary, my learning from 10 years of running peer coaching spaces is that:
We can all coach. (and 1b. generous feedback can help us see this in ourselves)
Peer coaching groups have the power to mutually empower, with compound effects on our ability to reach our goals, navigate life, and feel more cohesive and less alone.
Peer coaching groups require us to bring our vulnerability, so we need to actively cultivate a safe and brave learning environment.
Hosting peer coaching spaces is like being a gardener: our role is to cultivate a mutually owned space, sow the seeds of peer craft and enable the group to evolve in relation to its own weather patterns.
It doesn't even have to be coaching! Exquisite listening and a founding belief in each other is what it's all about.
Thank you for your own exquisite listening and for your belief in us. If you support the cause, want peer community to grow and take root and can afford it, we whole-heartedly welcome donations. If you want access to a bit of free or low-cost coaching for yourself, join our next peer coaching taster, I'd love to welcome you there.
With love,
Becky
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